Bitter Sweet Heaven in a Place Called Hell
by Hazuna Wotoro
Summary: L faked his death. He's been using Near to work behind the scenes. Now that the original is dead, he's after the copy, but a lot more happen's than simply killing her. Humiliation will work for now. Rated M for mature scenes. Light rape.
1. Hurtful Happenings

Still, nobody realizes what he did to me that night. When he drank a few too many drinks, and slapped me around, cursing at me like a dog. Ryuzaki couldn't hold his beer well, I guess. But still, I can't forget! The memories…They deny fading away…They won't leave my mind.

I wish more than anything that I had the ability to erase them.

To get the dreadful nightmares to go away.

The random flashbacks.

But they won't.

I couldn't save myself. I couldn't keep myself from his dangerous clutches. After all, Light was dead. And I was suspected of being Kira 2. And I was.

But like I said: _WAS._

I gave that all up when my poor Yagami died. I didn't care anymore. But still, Ryuzaki was set on proving my guilt. And he'd do it no matter what.


	2. He's alive, and I'd rather be dead

**Hazuna Wotoro- Does not own Deathnote. Thank you! Please comment and critiques are welcome, too.**

**Just don't be too harsh, okay?**

* * *

><p>"Ryuzaki, you're alive!" I looked at him, trying to keep my fear hidden. But my tone was irregular.<p>

He merely smiled at me and nodded.

Slowly, he walked away, in the same fashion as always. Back slouched, moving sluggishly.

Matsuda looked over at me and smiled. "Of course, Misa! We urged L to fake his death. We all knew that he was in great danger, and he did too. He faked his death, and kept behind the scenes, using Near. It may seem that Near solved the case, but in fact, it was Ryuzaki. The whole time!"

Matsuda's blithe attitude filled me with disgust. I can't believe I was fooled by them. And I lost my most precious being. Light! Oh, I loved you, Light. I wish you wouldn't have died.

But you were foolish. As am I.

As celebration, Matsuda declared we should all go out for drinks.

"Drinks! Me, go out with you to celebrate Light's death! I loved him!" Matsuda looked at me weirdly.

"He was my love! My one and only!" I sobbed silently, showing no weakness.

"He was a cold-blooded murderer." I shrieked at the close, sudden sound of Ryuzaki's voice, turning around to face him directly. When had he snuck up behind me?

"As are you. Of that, I am 94% sure. I'd be 99% sure, but I have no evidence to back that up…"

I grimaced, shoving Ryuzaki back, onto the ground. He looked at me like I'd never seen before.

Unbelieving. And for a minute- Although I think I might have just been imagining things- He looked at me with disgust. But like I said, it couldn't have actually been true… Ryuzaki was always so calm. But then again, I doubt anybody had ever done something like that to him before…

He got up and dusted himself off.

"That wasn't necessary; Misa, But I forgive you."

He walked out of the room, into the kitchen, and came back with a sundae. "Not to offend you, but I believe you should still come with us tonight."

I took a deep sigh and nodded. "Of course."

Since Ryuzaki would be going to the bar as well I decided to go. I couldn't wait to see him get completely wasted. I'd give him drink after drink, until finally; he started acting like a retard… And I'd have_ that _ proof on my cell-phone. Best black-mail I could get. I'd have him jumping through hoops for me!

Matsuda looked at me, then at Ryuzaki, who had amazingly already finished his dessert. "L, you're coming along?"

He put his plate down on the table and walked over to Matsuda, lowering his voice.

"Of course, Matsuda. Although it may not seem like it, even I need to blow off stress from time to time."

I couldn't stop thinking about it. What if he ended up telling me a deep, deep, dark secret? Or started dancing, or singing, or…Oh, the possibilities were plenty! But all I needed was one crucial bit.

And then it came to me…What if Ryuzaki doesn't drink?

* * *

><p>Even if he denied a drink, I'd get him to accept it some other way. Maybe I'd flirt…Or maybe I'd show him a little skin… It worked on other guys. Of course it would work with Ryuzaki! You wanna know why? Because Ryuzaki was vulnerable. Yes, very vulnerable. Because he was probably still a virgin. I mean, seriously… Who'd sleep with a creep like him?<p>

"Hey, Ryoo… I'm sorry about pushing you. Here." Swiftly, I grabbed Matsuda's Vodka- A nice heavy drink- and gave it to him. A few drinks of this, and he'd be mine!

Or so I thought.

"That's Matsuda's. He…He drank out of that."Ryuzaki's facial expression showed disgust, of course. I'd forgotten his germ phobia…

"I don't drink after people. The chance of getting sick is-"

I interrupted, handing Matsuda his drink. "A 73% chance of illness. I know."

Ryuzaki looked at me with suspicion, and I realized I'd have to slow it down a bit. Maybe I'd just order him a light alcohol…And raise it to a few shots.

"Don't fret. I don't drink anyway. I become rather illiterate, and headstrong when I do. Wouldn't want that, would we?"

I had no idea what either of those words meant, but I was determined to get him drunk, under any circumstances! Besides, what does literature have to do with it? What did that have to do with anything at the moment?

"Come on, Ryuzaki! Have some fun," I leaned in close, whispering in his ear. "I promise it'll be real. You won't regret it."

But he shot me down again, with some lame excuse

. "No, I can't…I don't want things to get crazy. I like keeping my cool. Besides, did you know alcohol inhibits brain cells? Not exactly killing them, but it still has a negative effect on the mind. I _need_ all of my-"

He stopped mid-sentence, and tensed up. I was unbuttoning my shirt, and just a little cleavage was visible. The funny thing is, he didn't stop me until I was already half-way down. I guess I was right about his vulnerability.

His face turned bright red, and he grabbed my arm, preventing me from going any lower.

"Please don't degrade yourself in public like that. I'll have a drink. But only one."

I quickly buttoned my shirt back up, relieved. I never thought he'd let me go so far… I didn't want to show him _anything._ But luckily, he stopped me, so I left to go get some drinks.

"Can I have the heaviest drink you have? And give me three!" The bartender looked at me like I was crazy.

"Are you sure you can handle that, little lady?" He grabbed three bottles, and popped them open.

"It's for my friend over there." I pointed to Ryuzaki, with a wide smile. He said he'd have only one, but after he had one of these, he wouldn't care how many he got. He'd be totally out of it by then.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Ryuzaki, I think Misa has a thing for you."<p>

L looked at him wide-eyed. He actually looked interested for a minute. But again, I'm pretty sure it was just my imagination.

"You really think so? I believe she thinks I'm a freak." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dum-dum pop. Leave it to _him_ to bring a sucker to a bar.

Matsuda shrugged as Ryuzaki unwrapped his candy, and looked over to see where I was. When he saw me come back with three bottles, he expected me to share them amongst us, but instead, I gave them all to him, and he looked at me… again suspicious.

"Don't worry," I kept a straight face, but on the inside I was cackling. My inner Malice growing larger as I fooled him. "They're very light."

I got my camera out after he'd finished the second drink.

It was just as good as I'd expected. He was childish. Sticking his tongue out at me, swearing… This was gold! Smile for the camera, L, Because by the morning, you'll be on the internet for the entire world to see.

It was going great until he started on the third. He wouldn't keep his hands to himself, and kept touching me, and saying things that made me way more than uncomfortable. I'd had the last straw when he asked me what my bra size was, and then grabbed my breast.

I jumped up from the barstool and yelled at him. "Why are you such a freak!"

He looked over at Matsuda, asking what he did wrong.

Pissed, I ran off, disappearing in the crowd. I didn't need this. He was ridiculing me and I wouldn't stand for it. I wasn't going to deal with this anymore! Ryuzaki was a cruel, selfish bastard. And he was too smart! I wish he'd just die!

I ran out of the exit, into a dark alley behind the bar. Why'd men always have to act like pigs? I'd expect it from somebody else, maybe, but… Why the fuck did I even care? I just wanted that motherfucker dead. But that would have to wait. First I'd humiliate him. Make his life hell…

"I'm not a freak."

I spun around, and slipped, falling onto the damp ground.

"You're the freak," He crouched down in front of me, grinning. "Yes. A freak, and a slut."

S-_slut! _No…n-no! I wasn't a slut! I mean, I may have acted like it at times, but I'm not! I hadn't even had sex once yet!

I don't know why, but I felt scared. "Wh-What do you want?" I tried to act pissy, but even I could feel myself shaking. I scattered to my feet, and stumbled back, into a wall.

"We're leaving." He walked up to me, grabbing my arm, and I pulled away.

"Don't touch me." I hissed. Those few words echoed through the dark, clammy alley. The sound was very distinguished. Quite eerie.

"I need you to drive me home."

I began walking away, instantly refusing his offer. I already got everything I had come for. There was no more need for me to go out of my way for him.

But he grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him.

"I said, you're taking me home." His buggy eyes glared at me. Realizing how drunk he really was, I carefully obliged. Just take him home, and leave. I smiled. Then I'd go home and download the video footage I'd caught on my cell-phone. L's secret life would no longer be secret. And after the people saw how he acts, they'd never trust him on a case- _Ever again!_

His life would be ruined.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Misa! You just passed my house!" I looked back, amazed. It was huge! I expected some small, dark hermit shell… Instead, it was a light blue house with three stories. It was hard to believe it was really his.<p>

"Could you please come in for a minute? I need help with something."

If he'd a asked me earlier, I probably would have refused, but I was actually very curious as to what the inside of the house looked like. Was it nothing but empty rooms? And where did he sleep? Was his refrigerator filled with nothing but sweets? Couldn't that kill you? I mean, for somebody who eats so many sugary delights, wouldn't you think they'd be diabetic or something?

Actually, it was surprisingly normal.

When you first enter, you're in the living room. Then you go straight, and meet with the kitchen. The door to the right led to a bathroom, the door to the left led to a food pantry. And if you went straight, you'd climb up some stairs, and into the middle floor. Up there was nothing but a second bathroom, a bedroom, a library, and the dining room. (I thought it was odd to have the dining room on the second floor, but he probably didn't have visitors often.)

The third story was nothing but an entire level of emptiness- Excluding a computer desk and a filing cabinet. That was probably where he spent most of his time… It was more like him. Dull and grey.

He led me up to the third floor, and started his computer up. Quickly, he typed in some keywords, opening up a large typed document. It was labeled with my name.

While he continued opening up tabs, I explored some more. I found a picture face down on the other side of the room. It was hard to tell exactly what was in it, but I could tell it was of me. Weird.

"What are you doing?"

I screeched, popping up.

"Would you stop doing that?" I looked at him frowning. He took his gaze to the picture I had in my hand.

"What do you have?" He snatched it from my hand, and turned a dim light on. He looked up at me and cocked an eyebrow. When I tried to see it, he shoved it in his pocket, dismissing the entire situation.

"Let me see it. I'm in it, so I have a right to see it."

"It's my picture. For your file. Nothing more." When he turned around to go back to the computer, I grabbed it from his pocket. I didn't like what I saw. It was one of the scariest things I'd ever seen.

I was standing there, smiling. With a photo shopped bullet hole in between the eyes. Just looking at it gave me the chills. I looked at him, horrorstruck. Would this end up happening to me before I could leave the house?

" God-Dammit Misa, it's personal, you stupid Bitch!" He snatched it back from my hand and went over to the computer desk, sticking it under the laptop he'd opened up.

"I…I think I should get going. I… I, uh… Have to go…"

He shut the laptop before logging off, walked over to me, and grabbed me by the neck. My eyes widened in disbelief as he shoved me against the wall, crushing my esophagus with one hand.

"You aren't leaving until you help me." I quickly nodded my head as best I could, and he let go of me.

"I want you to take your shirt off."

"What! No way, why would I?"

He firmly placed his hands on either side of me against the wall. "Why not? You seemed all too willing at the bar…"

Yes, but… Damnit. Now that I think about it, it wasn't a very bright move. I now had no choice but to tell him the truth. If I didn't I'd have to do it for real.

"Ryuzaki, I took you to the bar to get you drunk, so I could take a video of you acting like an idiot. I wanted so bad to publicly humiliate you after you killed Light. I did that, just for that reason."

He clenched his teeth and glared at me, thoroughly pissed off. Maybe it was a bad idea to tell him. I didn't know. Either way, I wouldn't have liked how things turned out.

He cursed me out, and then slapped me as hard as possible. My cheek started to sting, and I didn't even pay attention to him grabbing my butt. What he was actually reaching for was my phone. And when he got it, he threw it on the ground and smashed it. I screamed, reaching for it, but it was beyond repair.

The sudden twang of his foot against my side sent me on the ground, writhing in pain. I screamed, and started crying. It felt like somebody had drilled into my side with a jack-hammer. I felt like I was going to throw up… And I did.

Of course as soon as I thought it was over, it had just begun.

When I got up, he grabbed my arm, dragging me down-stairs, and into the sole bedroom he had. What he was doing, I had no idea until he thrashed me onto the bed, climbing on top of me. It was just happening so fast…Everything spiraling out of control.

My head was spinning, and I felt dizzy. At that point, I didn't even know where I was. And to top that off, I think he snapped one of my ribs in half. Whether he did or not, I wasn't in the shape to fight back. But I did anyway…

He grabbed my arms, holding them down with only one of his own, using his other to unzip his pants.

"You wanna humiliate me? I'll show you humiliation." He grinned, pulling his large, throbbing member out. Not until then did I start to really struggle. I screamed, and thrashed around like a wild banshee. Hopefully somebody would hear me and call the police! They had to!

But he moved on quickly, reaching under my skirt and taking hold of the silky black panties I was wearing. He slid them gently down my legs, and threw them onto the floor, next to the bed.

I cringed as the cold air hit me. And then Ryuzaki tried to push himself into me. But I snapped my legs shut and denied entrance with all of my remaining willpower. So he leaned forward, and reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a pair of handcuffs out of it. Swiftly, he cuffed one of my arms to the bed frame, leaving me incapable of escape.

With that accomplished, he pried my legs apart, and put himself between them.

Ryuzaki didn't hesitate to push himself all the way inside of me, leaving one drawn out moan echoing in my brain. At the same time, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Was all of this really worth it? I didn't even get to leave with what I came for, but much more. Although, this has scarred me for life, waking me up every night with dreadful nightmares. Flashing back to that first, painful thrust inside of me…

"Ngh…" With every pump, it became less painful, but in a way, it still hurt. He deliberately thrust his entire member as deep as he could, hitting the edge every time.

His head was lowered beside mine, panting. And although I looked the other way, unable to face him, I could still feel him breathing in the crook of my neck.

I could feel my own breathing get heavier, and I felt something I'd never experienced before. It was like a storm of butterflies in my gut… The bitter-sweet orgasm hitting me perfectly. It gave me sensations that I didn't want, but I absolutely loved. And I hated myself for it. I realized that at this moment, I was enjoying this. But as Ryuzaki hit his own climax, he came into me, and pulled out, looking at me, who tried to hide my dirty excitement. The excitement that completely left me as soon as it was over.

I felt horrible again. And I persecuted myself for enjoying it. No matter how little of it I enjoyed!

* * *

><p>It was a nightmare that woke me up the next morning. I actually woke myself up screaming. And I looked around for Ryuzaki, who was laying next to me, completely nude. And then I realized that I was completely nude as well. The handcuffs were gone, too. So…It hadn't been a horrible dream…It really happened…<p>

My scruples were trashed. Morals completely wasted. I had sex… With the low-life scumbag who killed the person I really had wanted to share that moment with.

I'd heard of people being raped before, but I never actually took it seriously. Not until now.

Sluggishly, I curled up into a fragile ball against the bed frame, silently sobbing. Ryuzaki took no note of this, and kept snoring, in a deep transient sleep. It just wasn't fair, the way he had used me. It was the worst thing anybody could do to any other person.

But he did it. And whenever I think about it, I try to place my mind on that one, sweet moment of enjoyment I had.


End file.
